My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
