If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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