today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize