I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
