U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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