gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
