I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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