i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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