i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
