I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
