So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
