I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize