You really coming over, don't trick.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
