he laminated a picture of his dick.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
