I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
we're making bets on your personal life
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
