Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
