apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
