She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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