Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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