this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
