Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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