i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
