Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
