yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You can't motorboat a personality
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
