everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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