I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
