four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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