Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
