Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
