i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
