Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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