Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
