She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
