im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize