oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
