i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Less talking, more tequila
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
40s are totally the cure
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
