do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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