she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
