so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
