I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
