1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
