my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
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