im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
