i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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