So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
