he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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