Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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