i permit you to call me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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