; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
