I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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