Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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