not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
