think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
