what day is it and did you see me today?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
