Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
