Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
