He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
