I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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