are you still at the devil's house?
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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