The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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