Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize