Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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