Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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